Resident Enis: In-between
by WhisperingImagination
Summary: Three friends, one apocalypse, way too many jokes and not enough music. A recipe for disaster or adventure? Eh, same thing.


**AN: Dodger and Mark are a lot more tolerant of Enis in the second episode. This chapter takes place between the the two, and aims to explain the shift.**

 **Disclaimer: Resident Enis was made by Random Encounters, Markiplier and Presshearttocontinue. But mostly RE. I had nothing to do with it, nor do I claim to.**

"You wanna hear my yodelling?" Enis rushed after them. "Yodella, yodalla, yodallay he hoo!"

"No one likes you!" Dodger said, exiting the room.

"You smell like an anus!" Mark yelled, fleeing after her.

"I'm very good at singing! I also tap dance and-" The door slammed shut in his face. Enis knocked politely, "I can-"

Like a mouth, the door re-opened just long enough for Mark to say: "shut up!" before closing again.

Searching the halls Dodger asked, "is there a backdoor?"

Mark nodded, an upside to combing the house earlier for the ridiculous ingredients was that he now had a decent idea of the layout. "Follow me, I think I saw-AHHHH!"

"I could play the kazoo!" Enis suddenly appeared from around the corner, causing Mark to scream like a little girl.

"No thanks!" He pushed past him. The simplest thing to do would be to simply kill the vampire. It was hardly a moral quandary, after murdering other humans (who were bandits but human all the same), killing a bloodthirsty monster shouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, neither was as morally bankrupt and emotionally dead as they hoped. Dodger's excuse was that it was Mark's job, he had the stake.

Besides, he seemed harmless enough. For all his annoyances, he did mean well. The idea didn't sit too well with either of them, now that they had spent most of the night with the crazy guy. And he did try to save Dave, as useless and ill advised as it was, he did try.

"What about a banjo?" This didn't change the fact he was still REALLY annoying.

"Leave us alone!" She yelled.

"More of a ukulele person?" He asked as they ran past him.

No matter where they went he was still there. No matter how many times they purposely lost him he reappeared. It was like a horror show parody. After some hjinks with secret passages, they had to accept the vampire's offer to guide them out. He did so surprisingly competently. Which made sense, it _was_ his house.

So they were finally outside, back on track and continuing their journey. And he was still following them! And he was still yapping like a dog!

"-I'll admit I didn't really think it through, but you have to agree the elephant was pretty cool."

"What do you want?" Mark snapped.

"I want to help you!" He cheerfully replied.

"We don't need your help!" Mark growled.

"Look, Enis, we appreciate the effort, but we'll be fine by ourselves." Dodger said diplomatically. "So you can go home."

"But it's lonely back at the mansion. I like talking to you guys. Oh! Let's play a game! I spy with my little eye..."

Mark groaned and kept walking.

"...something that begins with D!"

"Dirt?" Dodger guessed, taking pity on the vampire.

Enis grinned. "Nope!"

Honestly she was kinda relieved. It did get boring just walking from place to place. "Dark?"

"No!"

"Dodger?"

"Nah."

"Um..." this was harder than she thought it would be. At least he kept quiet while she was thinking. His squeaky voice was incredibly grating. "Devilishly handsome sparkly vampire named Enis?"

"Good guess!"

Damm. "I give up."

"Deciduous trees!"

Huh. "Okay, my turn. I spy, with my little eye, something that is..." she glanced at her companions and an evil grin crossed her face. "Creepy and weird."

"Is it Enis?" Mark asked.

"Nope." She answered, still grinning evilly.

"The trees?" Enis guessed.

"No." This was fun!

Mark glanced back, "are you sure it's not Enis?"

"I'm sure."

Enis tilted his head, wondering why Dodger was on the verge of laughing maniacally and shooting their unofficial leader mischievous looks before it clicked. "Is it Mark?"

"Yes!" She cackled wildly, giving the vampire a high five.

"What? I am not!"

After several mind numbing rounds, (that Dodger was secretly enjoying) he pulled the group to a halt. "Ogre camp."

From the top of the hill the group could see the small camp nestled in the centre of the valley as well as the guards keeping watch. The humans ducked behind the shrubbery and pulled Enis with them. "There are too many to fight, so we'll have to sneak past them."

"I can help! I know an invisibility spell!" The duo shared a look as Enis pulled out the spell book. "Don't worry, this one is much shorter! Chapter number 3, page 92, to create an invisibly spell: coat yourself in flour, then play the kazoo, spin around five times and hold your breath till your face goes blue."

The resulting effect was like being plunged underwater: cold and heavy, a momentary silencing of outside noise as his heartbeat roared in his ears. A now invisible Enis turned to his friends. "It worked! Um, guys? Are you invisible too? ...Hello?"

Halfway down the valley, the two humans were running towards the ogre camp as quietly as they could, having ditched the vampire while he was distracted. Naturally, they were both captured upon reaching it.

" **What we have here?** " A repulsive and cliche ridden ogre easily picked the two up. Understandably, they both started screaming and thrashing. " **Shhh, you wake them up**." The ogre frowned and smashed their heads together.

Mark had a hard head so Dodger got knocked unconscious while Mark just suffered a headache. Having a brain inside his thick skull, he closed his eyes and went limp. They were dragged across the camp and Mark tried not to wince as rocks banged against his feet. That was going to bruise.

The ogre entered the tent and dropped them unceremoniously on the ground. " **Ragha, I got breakfast!** " There was a loud clatter of something being thrown to the floor.

" **I just make breakfast**!" A shrill voice shrieked, " **I not make it again-** "

Mark cautiously opened his eyes, the original ogre was holding up his hands placatingly. " **It could be dinner.** "

" **DINNER?!** " Mark crawled across the floor to Dodger. " **It rot by then**!"

" **No!** " He protested, picking Mark up. Drat. " **Look, it alive. We kill it later and eat fresh**."

"You don't want to eat us!" Mark protested. "We're diseased, I have rabies!"

" **Rabies taste good**." The ogre grinned, showing yellow and black teeth.

The day just keeps getting worse... "She has tetanus." Mark tried.

" **Even better.** " His breath was smelt like the baby of diarrhoea and week old sushi.

" **Good seasoning**." The other ogre sniffed. " **Fine. I keep it for dinner. Tie them up.** "

~o~

 _Thump!_

The collision with the floor both woke Dodger up and sent a spike of pain through her head. She squeezed her eyes shut until it faded to a dull throb. This gave her time to get her bearings: she was lying on a dirt floor, hands bound and next to a warm, wriggling _something_. She tried to scream and move away but in her disoriented (and probably concussed) panic she was only able to manage a strangled, "ehrh?" as she jerked against the ropes.

"Oh good, you're awake." Mark said, being the wriggling something and the reason they were on the floor. "Try to stand, if we don't escape we're dinner."

"Don't you mean toast?" Her panic was already fading and she was able to muster a semi-witty remark.

"No." He said grimly.

"That's too bad," said a familiar, squeaky voice. "I think you'd make great toast!"

They both jumped. "Enis?"

"That's me!"

They looked around, but the sparkly vampire was no where to be seen. "Where are you?"

"Right here!" A pair of hands helped them upright.

"You're...invisible?" Mark frowned, trying to wrap his head around that.

"Invisible?" Dodger repeated. "Wait, that spell worked?"

"Of corse it did!" Enis grinned, not that they could see it. "Why are you tied up?"

"Because I like being tied up." Mark grumbled sarcastically.

Enis tilted his head. "I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Mark."

Dodger snickered. "Kinky."

"I was being sarcastic!" Mark protested.

"Can you untie us?" She asked.

"Probably not." Enis had already been fiddling with it, "that's a good knot. Real Boy Scout workmanship."

"Cut us free then."

"With what?"

She glared in his general direction, "with Mark's machete!"

Mark was already shaking his head, "Ogres took it, along with the rest of our stuff."

Dodger swore. "I have an idea!" Enis exclaimed.

"I hate it already." Mark grumbled.

He crouched down so he was at eye level with their bound hands, where they were connected. He popped out his fangs and bit the rope. And immediately stopped, spitting, "begh!"

Mark sighed, "what are you doing?"

"Biting the rope?" He replied, now a little unsure of his plan.

Dodger rolled her eyes. "Enis, I appreciate the sentiment but biting it isn't going to do anything."

"But I'm a vampire! I have fangs, I can too bite through it!" Enis protested.

Mark paused. "Huh. I can't believe I forgot about that." Enis' goofy antics made it easy to for his undead nature to slip out of one's mind.

"Try again," Dodger encouraged.

Grimacing, Enis did. As he was working at the rope, some ogre outside growled (which was probably just a really loud snore), causing the group to flinch. Which was a bad idea when you have pointy objects near your delicate flesh.

"Ow!" Mark yelped.

"Sorry! ...umm...you're...uh ... ble...blee..." he trailed off, staring at the cut. Mark was saying something but he wasn't listening. It had been a while since he had seen blood. No, that's a lie, it had been a while since he had seen fresh, human, not-infected-by-hellhound blood. It looked delicious. His grip on their arms tightened. His reasons for becoming vegan suddenly seemed a lot less important.

"-nis. Enis!" The human's shouting broke him from his trace.

He shook his head, "s-sorry!" With a more vicious bite than before, he snapped the frayed rope in two.

"Thanks, buddy. I was getting a bit worried there..." Mark laughed nervously, rubbing his wrist.

"You're welcome!" Enis chirped, glad that he was invisible so his friends couldn't see the way his traitorous eyes kept flicking back to the nick on Mark's arm. Speaking of invisibility...

He rushed over to the ingredients, picked up a bag of flour and dumped it on their heads.

"What was that for?" Mark got out between coughs.

"It's what the book said to do!"

Dodger grunted as the hard plastic of an invisible kazoo was shoved in her mouth. They both grumbled a little but obliged, they could see (or rather not-see) proof that this nonsense worked. So they didn't protest when he pushed them around five times, although they were biting back some sarcastic remarks.

"Hold your breath!" They did as they were told and faded from view. "We did it!"

No response. "Uh, you can breathe now."

Twin whooshes of air then: "holy crap, I can't believe that worked."

Enis beamed, "me neither! ...wait."

"Come on," Mark said. "We better leave before the ogres come back."

"Yeah," Enis agreed, "They have horrible grammar and the bold is super distracting." Distracting like the scent of blood still in the air, it was lucky he wasn't hungry because he wasn't too sure if his self control could take it.

Dodger and Mark tried to share a confused look, but failed miserably because they were invisible. "...Let's go."

They made for the tent's exit and promptly crashed into each other.

"Ow! You're stepping on my toes!" Dodger complained.

Enis stepped backwards, off her feet and into Mark sending them tumbling to the ground. He grabbed Dodger for support but ended up dragging her to the floor with them. "Who's elbow is that?"

"That's my knee." Mark wheezed.

"You have a very pointy knee." Enis informed him, rolling off Mark and inadvertently crushing Dodger.

"Get off me!" She pushed him away and into Mark, who had just gotten to his feet. However, he was ready for it this time. Mark caught Enis then yanked Dodger upright.

"If you two are done flailing on the floor, we need to move." Shuffling forwards, with Mark gently pushing them in the right direction, they made it outside. They tiptoed through the camp, trying not to make to much noise whenever an ogre passed by, and dusting away the flour footprints.

"Look!" Enis whisper shouted, pointing at a tent.

"Where?" Dodger asked. Mark increased his vice like grip on his companions as Enis dragged them towards it.

It was their stuff. "We'll have to leave it." Mark decided, "it would compromise our in-" Before he could finish Enis dumped the rest of the flour on the bags. "-visibility. How is that going..."

The survival bag vanished. "The enchantment is carried through the flour." Enis explained, fumbling with the strap. "It will go invisible if you pick it up."

"That's convenient." The humans quickly equipped the rest, which is hard to do when you can't see what you're holding. It was a wonder Mark didn't impale himself.

Escaping was almost too easy. Out of the valley, Mark asked, "How long does does this spell last?"

"I'm pretty sure it will wear off when the flour does."

"Pretty sure? We won't be invisible forever will we?" Dodger was starting to panic.

"Nah, it wasn't nearly powerful enough to do that."

"How can you tell?"

Enis launched into a long lecture about spell theory that Dodger tuned out. Mark kept listening, in a post apocalyptic world information was hard to come by and it could be useful. He gathered that the short answer was just that: it was short. The lecture somehow turned into a story about a giant chicken named Lindy so Mark tuned him out as well.

And that was how two humans became friends...well, maybe not friends but at least tolerant of their sparkly tag along.


End file.
